Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize