You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize