Nicole vs. Life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
