insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
