Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize