if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
