Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
