I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
