she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
