i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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