I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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