know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
