thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize