Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
