K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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