I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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