He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
