I wish I could punch you in the face.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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