You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
