the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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