im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
