here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
