haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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