I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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