I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
