You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
