I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
