this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
