Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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