Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
