Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
