I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
