before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
