I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am naked and annoyed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
