Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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