You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
