Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
