they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
