Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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