so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize