On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
