I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I believe in your delicious
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
