Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
