Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you had me at cake vodka
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
