I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just pynch a tree in the face
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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