I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
