just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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