i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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