If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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