If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We left the knife in your bed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
