His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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