dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
