my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
