Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
