When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
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