She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
