He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
