Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize