brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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