When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
