mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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