Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to sanitize my soul.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
