dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
