I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
