My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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