Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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