Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize