whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
