Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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