VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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