Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
