that's an acceptable place to lick
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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