i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
