a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
