I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
