I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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