her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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