Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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