bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
