I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
