I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
vagina is talking i cant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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