I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
