My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
