Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret

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(847): View more from Illinois

Why did you take off so early

(224): View more from Illinois

No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.

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(628): View more from California

i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

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(404): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

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(347): View more from New York

He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

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(519): View more from Ontario

What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid

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(773): View more from Illinois

I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.

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