I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
