I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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