what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
