Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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