Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
