I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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