At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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