What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
