So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
