If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
