fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
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