Whod you bang
We're facebook friends in real life
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
